The Fine Line Between Bravery and Cowardice

6 Nov

brave

I was at work yesterday, I ran in to a coworker that I had not see in more than ten years. She  said she was at a party recently and my name came up about me having a preventive mastectomy. The next thing she said was ” can I give you a hug? What you did was so brave. ”  I have heard me being referred to as brave  many time since I had the surgery and even prior to surgery.

imposter

When I hear this brave term refered  to me I feel like an imposter. I am not brave. I am lucky at best and a coward at worst. I am lucky I live in 2013 where genetic testing is what it is today. I had choices none of the other women in my family had. I got to have a choice,  breast cancer did not decide for me.  I am lucky my breast were not mutalated  like my grandmother’s. Plastic surgery has come a long way and when they are finished by breast will look pretty much as they did prior to surgery. At times I feel like a coward taking action and not taking the wait and see approach. I got to cheat the system and the laws of nature.

The women who truly deserve the bravery title are …

My grandmother who suffered from metastatic breast cancer in her bones. She had severe chronic pain for 30 years.

My grandmother’s sister who lost her life at age 32  from breast cancer.

My mom at age 39 got the breast cancer news when she had a 8 and 9 year old to raise.

My aunt who is fighting metastatic breast cancer at this time ( she will win I feel it 🙂 )

My mother in law who had the horrible effects of chemo and survived through it.

These are the true brave women. I can’t be in the same group of these strong women.  I am in awe of their strengths and determination.

Hopefully, my daughters will be the luckiest of all and by the time they have to worry about beast cancer it will be a thing of the past, that is my prayer for them.

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3 Responses to “The Fine Line Between Bravery and Cowardice”

  1. robyn923 November 6, 2013 at 9:17 am #

    We come from a long line of brave woman and you’ve joined their ranks!!

  2. sarahpsydney November 7, 2013 at 9:11 pm #

    Don’t kid yourself Kelly – yes all of those women are brave (very very brave!), but you are brave too – you faced your fears and did something about it. Far better than waiting for cancer to strike and then enduring all of that dreadful treatment. Lots of women have a family history of cancer but don’t do anything about it. They don’t want to know. You did and you’ve endured a not very pleasant experience so now you can be around for your daughters. Yes you are brave – OWN IT! Sending love for your ongoing recovery (& good vibes to those many brave women in your family too!) Sarah x

  3. goodgollymsmollie November 12, 2013 at 12:28 pm #

    I’ve been trying to write a post like this for a long time and the words just didn’t come. Thank you for saying this. I feel the exact same way. Lucky to have this knowledge? Yes. Terrified of cancer? Yes. Brave? Eh, not quite!
    I hope that you are doing well. I know you’ve had quite a few complications in your recovery. You’re in my thoughts and prayers regularly. Take care ❤

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